Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Biting at the Bit

I started experiencing a strange feeling over the last few weeks.
On Monday evenings, I wake up, get dressed, eat, and drive to work. Once I get to work I find myself asking this question,

"Why am I still here?"

It's like my mind is finding it harder and harder to adapt to the soul crushing monotony of menial labor where my ability to help people is small and my pay is even less.
The first week it was just a strange sense of disorientation, like when you haven't done some habitual task for several days and find yourself trying to find your bearings again.
The next week the sensation was much more pronounced and the question "Why am I still here" first arrived. I started to see the negativity and hopelessness around me and was just like, "I gotta get out of here."
Tonight it came back even stronger and brought with it even more symptoms. I spent most of Sunday night watching the TLC show "Hoarders: Buried Alive" and getting so incredibly pissed that they were subjecting these people to useless unsuccessful treatments at the hands of bumbling Psychotherapists and 'Professional Organizers' (what are they gonna do? Make more space for them to fill???) when they could get at LEAST 3 times as much success in 1/100th the time with effective Hypnotherapy!

Do I think I'm ready to open my own practice? No, not in the least.
Do I want to? Well not right now, I have enough foresight to know I haven't learned near enough for that yet.
Do I want to help others? A most emphatic YES.

Any takers?



  1. What you are describing is exactly what I felt the second tern of my graduate program. I was still working my horrid job at Sylvan and hating it, and the more school expanded my mind, the more irritable I was at work. This is the universe (and your brain) telling you that soon it will be time to move on. You're outgrowing your situation.

  2. I think Matthew (my teacher) was trying to warn us of this (well I know he was warning us for interpersonal relations, though I can see how its relating to work situation.) He used the comparison of tuning forks. Each tuning fork has a certain tone it will vibrate at. If you touch a vibrating 'A' fork to another 'A' they will both begin to vibrate. However if you touch that same 'A' to an 'E' fork the vibration cancels out.
    He said that as someones 'vibration' begins to change they start to create friction with those people whose vibration was lower and the two will either compromise in the middle or be driven apart. I think I can see that more and more in my work, where once I was content to do monotonous tasks that brought little fulfilment but boatloads of security, and now I find myself looking for my higher cause.