I should have know the moment I got too uppity and "Yay I'm healing!" that I was gonna get shit kicked by reality.
Today we did the fleshing out of Suggestion Therapy. It was very interesting when we discussed it and did an example where the entire class was the patient.
The way it works is first the client gives a list of physical symptoms of a problem (say common allergies symptoms). Then the hypnotherapist, through the use of stem sentence completion, uncovers the emotions behind said symptoms (like anger, sadness, guilt or fear). The Hypnotherapist then uses more stem sentence completion to dig down deep to the core beliefs in the subconscious that cause the emotions, that cause the symptoms (like weak, unworthy, unlovable, out of control). You then use more stem sentence completion to uncover the clients opposites to these words (the beliefs, emotions and symptoms) and then use these words to create meaningful suggestions to help them to nullify the erroneous beliefs.
It was all very interesting and effective.
Until you have to actually go through it.
And let me tell you, it's like poking a bear with a stick.
I used the system on my partner Eden with some success, no intense emotional outbursts but he said he enjoyed the programming so that was good.
Then we got to me.
At first it was okay, I decided to go with my chronic post nasal drip which has been bothering me for about a month and a half. I figured that would be a safe topic, that wouldn't have me walking through too many minefields. Right?
...right.
Matthew happened to come upon my session early on and quickly noticed that as we progressed into emotions, I was beginning to strain at the seems of my tenuous self control. Matthew quickly intervened and pressed hard at the dam and pretty soon all the emotions and negative opinions I've held at bay for the last 6 months or better came rushing back, and pretty soon I was just shy of sobbing. But he didn't stop at the basic techniques we were working with, he used more advanced ones, along with 12 years of experience to really try and get at the root of my emotions and I was crippled. The reality that I had discovered hints of over the past couple of weeks was painfully obvious, I had dammed up my emotions many months ago and learned to live fairly happily. I was walking around for months, thinking I was recovering from years of negative self belief and really making headway, when all I'd done was distance myself from my emotions enough that I almost forgot that I had them.
I was devastated.
Matthew quickly finished after we had extracted enough belief words (the most painful part of the process) and left to check on the other groups, though not before a quiet and implied offer of one on one treatment if I was interested.
Eden and I trudged through the creation of the Key words, a process which was on some levels as traumatizing as the original extraction of the beliefs. You try answering the Question, "Instead of feeling worthless, how would you like feel? Instead of feeling unloved, how would you like to feel?" about 5 times each, It's like getting beaten with a sledge hammer over and over again. And while a lot of my initial emotions were sadness, through the key word creation they quickly turned into red hot anger and I had to stop myself on several occasions from lashing out at Eden. It just would have been so easy to tell him to shut the fuck up about the 5th time he asked me what I'd rather feel than worthlessness. Unfortunately I wasn't thinking much during the suggestion creation, other than absorbing myself in the chance to retreat and pull back in my analytical mind, so my suggestions, while pretty, weren't very believable, and thus didn't stick when he finally put me into hypnosis.
I spent the rest of class and most of dinner afterward catatonic as I used every available energy source in an attempt to patch up my dam.
I think that what hurt more than the emotions themselves, was the fact that I'd fooled myself into thinking I was cured, that I'd outgrown those childhood beliefs. I can't believe how foolish I was.
Right after Matthew offered to help, I was overwhelmed with the idea of his helping me. However as the evening drew on I began to second guess this idea, mostly because I realized:
This was gonna hurt.
It was gonna hurt A LOT.
I was perfectly fine and not hurting when I had this all wrapped up, and while it was still there, it didn't hurt.
I feel like such a hypocrite for crowing from the rooftops about my apparent 'success' when I was just as, if not more so, fucked up as I ever was.
On a positive note though, I suppose, I talked to Margaret (one of my classmate's who's also staying at NurAllah's) and we discussed our sessions and after I talked with her and let off some emotional steam I didn't find it so hard to patch myself up and regain my composure. I also think I've decided to ask Matthew if I could take sessions with him. It'll cost a bit more, but I'm committed to becoming a Hypnotherapist, and I need to come to terms with and solve my own issues before I can hope to help others with theirs.
Damn... when I said it was gonna hurt... I didn't really mean it!
Aika
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Witch, Shaman, Hypnotherapist - The Healed Healer
I suppose I'll start out with a quick update on my current situation since I haven't posted anything in a while.
I decided to take the room at NurAllah's house and things have been going well so far. I'll admit last weekend that I didn't sleep very well, but I'm not sure what it was due to. The bed was just this side of comfortable, being a thin day-bed (I'm in a different room this week and the mattress in here is much better), I've been having sinus/lymph node problems off and on for the last few weeks so my post-nasal drip was causing some discomfort. But also last weekend we covered/dove into Hypnotic inductions and deepening techniques, so I was hypnotized then brought back out quickly probably 30 times a day over those 3 days. A certain disorienting/exhausting feeling coupled with information overload I think is more to blame for my poor sleep though. But I had some very powerful experiences that weekend never-the-less, mostly including my inner subconscious mind.
Before I detail what happened, let me give you a general breakdown of the happenings inside my head.
There are a bunch on people up there, lol. And no, not in the 'split personality' sense, but simply in the 'parts' sense, there are a lot of 'me's' and each one has an identity and a job.
There's the Muse Me, the figure I often follow when on guided medatations and hypnosis.
There is the Prince Me, and also the Princess Me, my Anima and Animus (I know Jung only said you had one or the other but I'm androgynous so I have both). These two figures where some of the most prominent in my emotional growth and recovery over the last couple of years but I think that more recently they reached a end, or at least a break in their saga. It began with their creation in my mind, several years ago, starting with the Princess's story. She lived in a beautiful rose garden surrounded by and thick stand of Birch trees. These two plants have represented the feminine and masculine in me ever since. But anyway, the Princess tended the garden she could not leave, for the trees grew so close she could not slip through, and she silently waited for the Prince to come and reunite with her. My Prince self later showed herself and was very badly injured, she was bound tightly with razor sharp thorn vines and had been impaled on her own sword. I feel this represented a lot of my confidence and self identity, mortally wounded by myself and suffering a lot of emotional pain. During a very powerful visionary experience I had during a drum circle maybe a year or better ago I experienced her freeing herself from her bounds and in a crescendo of the music the sword was pulled free. This was the beginning of my path to healing. The vision ended with her laying unconscious at the base of a tree still wounded and bleeding, but no longer constantly reliving the injuries.
A while after that incidence I had another vision during a massage session of the Prince starting to heal, her wounds closing and her body becoming whole again. It ended with her standing and slowly making her way through the forest, looking for the princess. I had a few lesser visions after this one of The Prince searching before I came to the final vision in the arc. I had an incidence during a meditation where my Muse self was walking down a path in my mind and I happened to notice as we were heading toward somewhere else, the entrance to the Guarded Rose Garden. But it was not as I had last seen it. For a small moment I looked inside and not only was a path now open to the glen, but the garden was blanketed in snow, and the Princess was nowhere to be found. I thought this was a little odd but nothing much came of it until a later meditation. My Muse self was at the edge of a pond, touching the water to make ripples when a sound caused us to look up, and there stood the Prince. My Muse asked where she was headed and the Prince replied that she sought out the Rose Princess. Muse told her what she had seen in the garden and that the Princess was gone. The Prince was surprised but said that she would go to the garden and wait for the princess' return. Muse me watched her go and bid her rest well, for her journey had ended. Sure enough, the Prince entered the garden, lay down on one of the benches and quickly fell asleep.
I've not had any visions of the two of them since, and I do believe that, at least for now, their story is over.
Now last Saturday I was invited to an event after class, and I'll admit I didn't know what it was until I got there, but it was an Old-time dance society, Countra dance with dosi-does and waltzs and the like. It was very interesting and fun, though I got winded quickly (it was some good cardio let me tell you, lol). Now you have to have a partner for each dance and the first couple of dances the same man helped me out, since I'd never done this before. However after the second dance I was very winded and had to take a breather, but another man came up and asked if I would be his partner. I politely refused and said I needed to take a break. I sat the next dance out but when the next dance was starting up and I went to join the same man asked if I would be his partner now. I agreed and danced, a little confused but happy. After that dance I was quickly winded again and was going to take another break when I was approached by two more people to be their partner. I politely refused, when a thought entered my mind.
"Why on Earth are they asking to be my partner? It's not like I have anything to offer, I'm not worth their attention, they just don't know it."
...a short second after this thought and it's accompanying emotions went through me I pulled up short and realized what had happened. I stopped, everything going quiet around me as I focused inward and said, "Hello Id." And she said Hi back.
The Freudian model of the Id, Ego, and Super Ego is that the Id is your basest, carnal desires, your Superego is your morals and your ego is the figure in between trying to keep balance. As much as I know and accept this construct, the idea entered my head a long time back and manifested in it's own structure.
Ego is me, the me as I am, my conscious identity you could say.
SuperEgo is the idealized me, the me I hope and dream one day to be.
and Id is my Sadistic inner bully. She likes nothing better than to tear me down and make me so miserable I don't want to live. She and I used to be much closer, she was with me everyday and these where some of the darkest days in my life.
However as time has passed and I have grown, Id had been pushed back into the darkness, not allowed to intervene as she once had.
But this incident last Saturday showed very clearly that she was still there, ready to knock me down a few pegs if she thought I was getting too uppity.
It hurt a lot to realize that she was still there, and that she still had the power to so easily lay waste to my still fragile self-esteem.
The night ended on a poor note, I hid in the bathroom most of the rest of the next hour, too ashamed to go back to the dance floor, and when I decided to find the people I had come with to tell them I was leaving, I found that they had already left without looking for me. That added extra pain to my already hemorrhaging pride. Thankfully I was able to let the event go for the most part, letting go of the pain but left with the knowledge that the me that could wound me so deep was still alive and well.
The next day I asked one of the people from class why they left without finding me, and they said that they looked but hadn't checked the bathroom (it was a man) and that they actually left just before I had, so I hadn't been abandoned there s easily and I felt better about the situation.
Shortly after my conversation with R.G. (the classmate I talked to about leaving the dance) we had our daily group Hypnosis session. It was very similar to most guided meditations I've had, a lot of guided imagery that led us to a beautiful beach where after a progressive relaxation and a numeric amnesia exercise, I sat on my beach chair and absorbed the suggestions Matthew(the teacher) was giving. But after a certain suggestion, I can't recall exactly what it was though I know it had to do with healing inner wounds, I heard a sound.
My Muse self looked from the ocean to the source of the sound and I saw, lying about ten feet away on the sand, Id. The sunlight that had passed over my body to relax me earlier in the session was now focused on Id and she was crumpled on the sand in agony. Her cries were unearthly and pitiful. She cried, sobbed, screamed and groaned. She was writhing under the healing light and what looked like thick black crude oil was oozing out of her skin. She looked up at me and the look on her face was pure suffering, her expression was one that was begging for mercy.
I looked upon her and found that I didn't have any of the feelings I thought I might, or should. I didn't recoil in terror or disgust, and neither did I take any pleasure in her pain. Instead, I felt pity, unmeasurable pity.
Long had I viewed Id as my cruel tormentor, the dark part of myself that took pleasure in hurting me. But I saw then truly what she was. Ego is my conscious mind, SuperEgo is my higher mind/ my higher self, and Id was my subconscious, my inner 'well educated 10-year-old' who had long held evil lies as truth and had been poisoned by them. Just like bullies in real life, who often hurt others because it is a deference from hurting themselves, Id was not acting Sadistically but Masochistically, she was hurting herself, me, in the form of the other.
I stood from my seat on the sand and walked over to Id. She continued to look up at me, her face filled with sorrow. I knealt down beside her and gently stroked her hair, offering comfort to myself.
"It's going to be okay," I said, "I know it hurts now, but it's going to be okay, you'll be better soon."
Shortly before I decided to come to this school I bought a book on impulse called "Shamanism for Beginners" By James Endredy. I had never been much interested in the topic before, but I found myself engrossed in it's pages and with the Idea of "The Healed Healer" since most shamans are identified by having survived some illness or injury. They must be healed of their own injuries to heal the injuries of others.
I encountered this exact same philosophy here at Matthew's school, the idea of needing to heal your own emotional and physical wounds before you can heal those of others.
While I may not go so far as to call myself a shaman, I think my wanderings in this life have lead me to this path of the Healed Healer, and I finally feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, like I'll finally be healed. Like I'll finally have meaning and purpose in this existence. It's like the prospect of being born anew.
As the day wore on Saturday, I noticed the pain of swollen lymph nodes in my neck. I hadn't had them in a few weeks so I was a but preturbed, until a thought occurred to me. Lymph nodes are a part of your bodies immune system that helps to fight infection and flush the associated waste from your body. The image of the black crude immediatly jumped to mind and I made a connection. My body was washing this negativity out.
"It's going to be okay," I thought to myself, "I know it hurts now, but it's going to be okay,"
"I'll be better soon."
Aika
I decided to take the room at NurAllah's house and things have been going well so far. I'll admit last weekend that I didn't sleep very well, but I'm not sure what it was due to. The bed was just this side of comfortable, being a thin day-bed (I'm in a different room this week and the mattress in here is much better), I've been having sinus/lymph node problems off and on for the last few weeks so my post-nasal drip was causing some discomfort. But also last weekend we covered/dove into Hypnotic inductions and deepening techniques, so I was hypnotized then brought back out quickly probably 30 times a day over those 3 days. A certain disorienting/exhausting feeling coupled with information overload I think is more to blame for my poor sleep though. But I had some very powerful experiences that weekend never-the-less, mostly including my inner subconscious mind.
Before I detail what happened, let me give you a general breakdown of the happenings inside my head.
There are a bunch on people up there, lol. And no, not in the 'split personality' sense, but simply in the 'parts' sense, there are a lot of 'me's' and each one has an identity and a job.
There's the Muse Me, the figure I often follow when on guided medatations and hypnosis.
There is the Prince Me, and also the Princess Me, my Anima and Animus (I know Jung only said you had one or the other but I'm androgynous so I have both). These two figures where some of the most prominent in my emotional growth and recovery over the last couple of years but I think that more recently they reached a end, or at least a break in their saga. It began with their creation in my mind, several years ago, starting with the Princess's story. She lived in a beautiful rose garden surrounded by and thick stand of Birch trees. These two plants have represented the feminine and masculine in me ever since. But anyway, the Princess tended the garden she could not leave, for the trees grew so close she could not slip through, and she silently waited for the Prince to come and reunite with her. My Prince self later showed herself and was very badly injured, she was bound tightly with razor sharp thorn vines and had been impaled on her own sword. I feel this represented a lot of my confidence and self identity, mortally wounded by myself and suffering a lot of emotional pain. During a very powerful visionary experience I had during a drum circle maybe a year or better ago I experienced her freeing herself from her bounds and in a crescendo of the music the sword was pulled free. This was the beginning of my path to healing. The vision ended with her laying unconscious at the base of a tree still wounded and bleeding, but no longer constantly reliving the injuries.
A while after that incidence I had another vision during a massage session of the Prince starting to heal, her wounds closing and her body becoming whole again. It ended with her standing and slowly making her way through the forest, looking for the princess. I had a few lesser visions after this one of The Prince searching before I came to the final vision in the arc. I had an incidence during a meditation where my Muse self was walking down a path in my mind and I happened to notice as we were heading toward somewhere else, the entrance to the Guarded Rose Garden. But it was not as I had last seen it. For a small moment I looked inside and not only was a path now open to the glen, but the garden was blanketed in snow, and the Princess was nowhere to be found. I thought this was a little odd but nothing much came of it until a later meditation. My Muse self was at the edge of a pond, touching the water to make ripples when a sound caused us to look up, and there stood the Prince. My Muse asked where she was headed and the Prince replied that she sought out the Rose Princess. Muse told her what she had seen in the garden and that the Princess was gone. The Prince was surprised but said that she would go to the garden and wait for the princess' return. Muse me watched her go and bid her rest well, for her journey had ended. Sure enough, the Prince entered the garden, lay down on one of the benches and quickly fell asleep.
I've not had any visions of the two of them since, and I do believe that, at least for now, their story is over.
Now last Saturday I was invited to an event after class, and I'll admit I didn't know what it was until I got there, but it was an Old-time dance society, Countra dance with dosi-does and waltzs and the like. It was very interesting and fun, though I got winded quickly (it was some good cardio let me tell you, lol). Now you have to have a partner for each dance and the first couple of dances the same man helped me out, since I'd never done this before. However after the second dance I was very winded and had to take a breather, but another man came up and asked if I would be his partner. I politely refused and said I needed to take a break. I sat the next dance out but when the next dance was starting up and I went to join the same man asked if I would be his partner now. I agreed and danced, a little confused but happy. After that dance I was quickly winded again and was going to take another break when I was approached by two more people to be their partner. I politely refused, when a thought entered my mind.
"Why on Earth are they asking to be my partner? It's not like I have anything to offer, I'm not worth their attention, they just don't know it."
...a short second after this thought and it's accompanying emotions went through me I pulled up short and realized what had happened. I stopped, everything going quiet around me as I focused inward and said, "Hello Id." And she said Hi back.
The Freudian model of the Id, Ego, and Super Ego is that the Id is your basest, carnal desires, your Superego is your morals and your ego is the figure in between trying to keep balance. As much as I know and accept this construct, the idea entered my head a long time back and manifested in it's own structure.
Ego is me, the me as I am, my conscious identity you could say.
SuperEgo is the idealized me, the me I hope and dream one day to be.
and Id is my Sadistic inner bully. She likes nothing better than to tear me down and make me so miserable I don't want to live. She and I used to be much closer, she was with me everyday and these where some of the darkest days in my life.
However as time has passed and I have grown, Id had been pushed back into the darkness, not allowed to intervene as she once had.
But this incident last Saturday showed very clearly that she was still there, ready to knock me down a few pegs if she thought I was getting too uppity.
It hurt a lot to realize that she was still there, and that she still had the power to so easily lay waste to my still fragile self-esteem.
The night ended on a poor note, I hid in the bathroom most of the rest of the next hour, too ashamed to go back to the dance floor, and when I decided to find the people I had come with to tell them I was leaving, I found that they had already left without looking for me. That added extra pain to my already hemorrhaging pride. Thankfully I was able to let the event go for the most part, letting go of the pain but left with the knowledge that the me that could wound me so deep was still alive and well.
The next day I asked one of the people from class why they left without finding me, and they said that they looked but hadn't checked the bathroom (it was a man) and that they actually left just before I had, so I hadn't been abandoned there s easily and I felt better about the situation.
Shortly after my conversation with R.G. (the classmate I talked to about leaving the dance) we had our daily group Hypnosis session. It was very similar to most guided meditations I've had, a lot of guided imagery that led us to a beautiful beach where after a progressive relaxation and a numeric amnesia exercise, I sat on my beach chair and absorbed the suggestions Matthew(the teacher) was giving. But after a certain suggestion, I can't recall exactly what it was though I know it had to do with healing inner wounds, I heard a sound.
My Muse self looked from the ocean to the source of the sound and I saw, lying about ten feet away on the sand, Id. The sunlight that had passed over my body to relax me earlier in the session was now focused on Id and she was crumpled on the sand in agony. Her cries were unearthly and pitiful. She cried, sobbed, screamed and groaned. She was writhing under the healing light and what looked like thick black crude oil was oozing out of her skin. She looked up at me and the look on her face was pure suffering, her expression was one that was begging for mercy.
I looked upon her and found that I didn't have any of the feelings I thought I might, or should. I didn't recoil in terror or disgust, and neither did I take any pleasure in her pain. Instead, I felt pity, unmeasurable pity.
Long had I viewed Id as my cruel tormentor, the dark part of myself that took pleasure in hurting me. But I saw then truly what she was. Ego is my conscious mind, SuperEgo is my higher mind/ my higher self, and Id was my subconscious, my inner 'well educated 10-year-old' who had long held evil lies as truth and had been poisoned by them. Just like bullies in real life, who often hurt others because it is a deference from hurting themselves, Id was not acting Sadistically but Masochistically, she was hurting herself, me, in the form of the other.
I stood from my seat on the sand and walked over to Id. She continued to look up at me, her face filled with sorrow. I knealt down beside her and gently stroked her hair, offering comfort to myself.
"It's going to be okay," I said, "I know it hurts now, but it's going to be okay, you'll be better soon."
Shortly before I decided to come to this school I bought a book on impulse called "Shamanism for Beginners" By James Endredy. I had never been much interested in the topic before, but I found myself engrossed in it's pages and with the Idea of "The Healed Healer" since most shamans are identified by having survived some illness or injury. They must be healed of their own injuries to heal the injuries of others.
I encountered this exact same philosophy here at Matthew's school, the idea of needing to heal your own emotional and physical wounds before you can heal those of others.
While I may not go so far as to call myself a shaman, I think my wanderings in this life have lead me to this path of the Healed Healer, and I finally feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, like I'll finally be healed. Like I'll finally have meaning and purpose in this existence. It's like the prospect of being born anew.
As the day wore on Saturday, I noticed the pain of swollen lymph nodes in my neck. I hadn't had them in a few weeks so I was a but preturbed, until a thought occurred to me. Lymph nodes are a part of your bodies immune system that helps to fight infection and flush the associated waste from your body. The image of the black crude immediatly jumped to mind and I made a connection. My body was washing this negativity out.
"It's going to be okay," I thought to myself, "I know it hurts now, but it's going to be okay,"
"I'll be better soon."
Aika
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Change in the Works?
So I may have found the solution to my hotel problem.
In case you hadn't heard I'm staying in hotels while I'm here in Gainesville for school, and apparently this week is "Gator Nationals" which just means crazy football nonsense.
Of course with crazy football nonsense comes astronomical Hotel rates.
Last weekend I payed $54 a night, this week it's $150 a night. I had to go all the way to Alachua to find a hotel that wouldn't cost me $300 and it's still costing me like $100 a night. To be an extra 10 miles by highway away AND be in a shitty hotel.
Don't you just LOVE football. Ugh.
Well, I was just gonna deal with it but an alternative has arisen.
I at dinner with two of my classmates (Maja and Margaret) after class and they're both boarding at someone's house. They were talking about how she was gonna have some rooms open up since a few of the people staying are leaving and they suggested I check it out.
Now this option was offered to me at first but I had immediately turned it down cause I didn't really feel comfortable going to a city I didn't know to stay with people I didn't know at some I didn't knows house and start school with a bunch of people I didn't know. Far too much uncertainty for me. But after a couple of weekends there and getting to know the people in the class better I was starting to feel more comfortable to the idea.
Maja explained that the woman who's house she was staying at was names Nurallah and she was a 60 year old Sufi firecracker with a dog named Kali (after the goddess, yes) who was very big on healthy organic eating and such like that.
Naturally my interest was peaked, so when Maja offered to show me the place so I could see if I was interested in staying there, I agreed. The house was nice, very cool and when I finally met Nurallah she was very pleasant. We chatted a little about different thinks including Names and their meanings (we both have names that are not our birth names, though mine is chosen and hers was given through her Sufi training).
Anyway she'll have a bed open next weekend and a different one (more permanently) the week after that. Plus you can't beat $15 a night when compared to $50-$100. The only possible problem could be that the beds available would be a day bed or a futon, so I'm questioning the comfort of said articles of furniture, but for two nights a week it's probably not that bad.
Well, I didn't finalize with her but I made clear that I was interested and willing before I tried the bed, so I think I might call tomorrow or maybe Monday and see if I can't set it up.
Yippe money savings!
Aika
In case you hadn't heard I'm staying in hotels while I'm here in Gainesville for school, and apparently this week is "Gator Nationals" which just means crazy football nonsense.
Of course with crazy football nonsense comes astronomical Hotel rates.
Last weekend I payed $54 a night, this week it's $150 a night. I had to go all the way to Alachua to find a hotel that wouldn't cost me $300 and it's still costing me like $100 a night. To be an extra 10 miles by highway away AND be in a shitty hotel.
Don't you just LOVE football. Ugh.
Well, I was just gonna deal with it but an alternative has arisen.
I at dinner with two of my classmates (Maja and Margaret) after class and they're both boarding at someone's house. They were talking about how she was gonna have some rooms open up since a few of the people staying are leaving and they suggested I check it out.
Now this option was offered to me at first but I had immediately turned it down cause I didn't really feel comfortable going to a city I didn't know to stay with people I didn't know at some I didn't knows house and start school with a bunch of people I didn't know. Far too much uncertainty for me. But after a couple of weekends there and getting to know the people in the class better I was starting to feel more comfortable to the idea.
Maja explained that the woman who's house she was staying at was names Nurallah and she was a 60 year old Sufi firecracker with a dog named Kali (after the goddess, yes) who was very big on healthy organic eating and such like that.
Naturally my interest was peaked, so when Maja offered to show me the place so I could see if I was interested in staying there, I agreed. The house was nice, very cool and when I finally met Nurallah she was very pleasant. We chatted a little about different thinks including Names and their meanings (we both have names that are not our birth names, though mine is chosen and hers was given through her Sufi training).
Anyway she'll have a bed open next weekend and a different one (more permanently) the week after that. Plus you can't beat $15 a night when compared to $50-$100. The only possible problem could be that the beds available would be a day bed or a futon, so I'm questioning the comfort of said articles of furniture, but for two nights a week it's probably not that bad.
Well, I didn't finalize with her but I made clear that I was interested and willing before I tried the bed, so I think I might call tomorrow or maybe Monday and see if I can't set it up.
Yippe money savings!
Aika
Thursday, March 11, 2010
If At First You Don't Succeed...
...MAKE SOME MORE MACARONI!
I said I would do it and now I have. I took a swing at Lyle's Macaroni and cheese recipe (Recipe Here) and while I ended with success It was not without its own blunders and hard learned lessons.
Attempt #1:
You probably can't tell by looking at the picture, but you're looking at something like 4 quarts of inedible gelatinous Macaroni. For a few key reasons, but first lets start with what the recipe calls for:
1) 1 box of macaroni (4 cups/1 pound)
2) 3 cups grated cheddar or Colby cheese
3) 2 cups milk
4) 2 eggs
5) 4 tablespoons butter
6) 3 tablespoons flour
7) 1/2 tablespoons pepper
8) 1 teaspoon mustard
My first mistake was that in the creation of my white sauce I used Almond milk instead of ACTUAL milk, 1) because I try to eliminate dairy from my diet whenever I can (and no one better say 'eliminate the dairy from Mac and CHEESE' Shut up) and 2) quite simply I didn't have any and didn't feel like buying some. Now I feel the jury is still out on whether I could have actually pulled this off with almond milk, because the main problem was that my almond milk is the VANILLA flavored variety. Now this it typically no problem when used in for form of baking or other similar type dish, but somehow it didn't occur to me until it was too late that sweet and mac an' cheese doesn't really mix.
I had not originally intended to use the eggs but upon adding my almond milk I was gripped with the fear that the sauce wouldn't thicken because I didn't use real milk, so I threw them in. Now this fear lead to what I believe was my ultimate undoing.
I stirred and stirred my white sauce, looking for signs of its thickening and becoming 'creamy', and instead of cooking it for the recommended 2 minutes, I cooked it for nearly 10, ramping up the sugar concentration of the sauce and skyrocketing past "creamy" into "gravy" before I realized my mistake.
However, not one to acknowledge a folly, I poured my concoction over my cheesy noodles and my dish more resembled a green bean casserole than a macaroni and cheese. But into the oven it went and 30 minutes later I pulled it out and beheld the horror of my making.
After it cooled my mother grabbed and little and said, "Ugh, too sweet", but I brushed it off and sat down to have a fist sized slice. At first it was okay, but quickly realized that this... was completely inedible.
...damn.
The poor abomination of a meal sat in my kitchen for several hours before I finally decided (at 5am) that I was gonna try again and follow the recipe TO THE LETTER. So into the trash my mac went and off to Walmart I skipped and returned with more noodles, cheese and real milk.
Attempt #2
I started again and my white sauce came out with much better results.
Oh, and let me just say, I used cheddar, Colby and Monterrey Jack cheeses and Lyle's recipe says 3 cups is enough and 4 is extravagant. The way I figure it, what am I if not EXTRAVAGANT, so 4 cups of cheese it was.
The sauce poured on much better the second time (it actually SANK INTO the dish, instead of just pooling on top) and I did a quick spread to make sure the sauce was more or less evenly distributed.
Thirty minutes later I was greeted with this:
Much nicer (and more like Lyle's picture lol). After letting it cool I popped it into a few containers and plan to eat them this weekend for my lunches at school. And while it looks lovely and I haven't actually sat down to eat any yet I foresee one problem:
Salt.
Dear God does it need salt.
::sigh:: You can take the artificial processed food out of the girl but can't take away the desire for it's taste.
Thank you so much Lyle and I can't wait to try some new recipes!
ADDENDUM 07:59pm 3/11/10:
Once again educated on how one should occasionally listen to ones mother.
My mother said that the Macaroni would taste better as left overs and being the ignorant child I (occasionally) am, I didn't believe her. But lemmie tell you, after having a dinner of Mac and cheese, green beans, and salad before work, it definitely is better the second time around.
Only needed a little salt, lol.
Aika
I said I would do it and now I have. I took a swing at Lyle's Macaroni and cheese recipe (Recipe Here) and while I ended with success It was not without its own blunders and hard learned lessons.
Attempt #1:
You probably can't tell by looking at the picture, but you're looking at something like 4 quarts of inedible gelatinous Macaroni. For a few key reasons, but first lets start with what the recipe calls for:
1) 1 box of macaroni (4 cups/1 pound)
2) 3 cups grated cheddar or Colby cheese
3) 2 cups milk
4) 2 eggs
5) 4 tablespoons butter
6) 3 tablespoons flour
7) 1/2 tablespoons pepper
8) 1 teaspoon mustard
My first mistake was that in the creation of my white sauce I used Almond milk instead of ACTUAL milk, 1) because I try to eliminate dairy from my diet whenever I can (and no one better say 'eliminate the dairy from Mac and CHEESE' Shut up) and 2) quite simply I didn't have any and didn't feel like buying some. Now I feel the jury is still out on whether I could have actually pulled this off with almond milk, because the main problem was that my almond milk is the VANILLA flavored variety. Now this it typically no problem when used in for form of baking or other similar type dish, but somehow it didn't occur to me until it was too late that sweet and mac an' cheese doesn't really mix.
I had not originally intended to use the eggs but upon adding my almond milk I was gripped with the fear that the sauce wouldn't thicken because I didn't use real milk, so I threw them in. Now this fear lead to what I believe was my ultimate undoing.
I stirred and stirred my white sauce, looking for signs of its thickening and becoming 'creamy', and instead of cooking it for the recommended 2 minutes, I cooked it for nearly 10, ramping up the sugar concentration of the sauce and skyrocketing past "creamy" into "gravy" before I realized my mistake.
However, not one to acknowledge a folly, I poured my concoction over my cheesy noodles and my dish more resembled a green bean casserole than a macaroni and cheese. But into the oven it went and 30 minutes later I pulled it out and beheld the horror of my making.
After it cooled my mother grabbed and little and said, "Ugh, too sweet", but I brushed it off and sat down to have a fist sized slice. At first it was okay, but quickly realized that this... was completely inedible.
...damn.
The poor abomination of a meal sat in my kitchen for several hours before I finally decided (at 5am) that I was gonna try again and follow the recipe TO THE LETTER. So into the trash my mac went and off to Walmart I skipped and returned with more noodles, cheese and real milk.
Attempt #2
I started again and my white sauce came out with much better results.
Oh, and let me just say, I used cheddar, Colby and Monterrey Jack cheeses and Lyle's recipe says 3 cups is enough and 4 is extravagant. The way I figure it, what am I if not EXTRAVAGANT, so 4 cups of cheese it was.
The sauce poured on much better the second time (it actually SANK INTO the dish, instead of just pooling on top) and I did a quick spread to make sure the sauce was more or less evenly distributed.
Thirty minutes later I was greeted with this:
Much nicer (and more like Lyle's picture lol). After letting it cool I popped it into a few containers and plan to eat them this weekend for my lunches at school. And while it looks lovely and I haven't actually sat down to eat any yet I foresee one problem:
Salt.
Dear God does it need salt.
::sigh:: You can take the artificial processed food out of the girl but can't take away the desire for it's taste.
Thank you so much Lyle and I can't wait to try some new recipes!
ADDENDUM 07:59pm 3/11/10:
Once again educated on how one should occasionally listen to ones mother.
My mother said that the Macaroni would taste better as left overs and being the ignorant child I (occasionally) am, I didn't believe her. But lemmie tell you, after having a dinner of Mac and cheese, green beans, and salad before work, it definitely is better the second time around.
Only needed a little salt, lol.
Aika
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Every Day, in Every Way, I'm Getting Better and Better
Officially my new favorite quote/mantra, I just really like it's simplicity and power and it represents just one of the awesome lessons I'm taking away from my hypnotherapist training.
I walked away from class this weekend (the first) with a lot of cool new information like the quote in the title, but the best thing I think I walked away with was a reinforced feeling that I'm doing the right thing.
I walked in with a head start on a lot of the information (from previous experiences with other hypnotherapists and what-not) but I also got a lot of new stuff, including a lot of first hand operating knowledge from Matthew (the school owner and instructor). And some of the things he's done, and does, are amazing.He's reinforcing the feeling that this is the right path for me, in so many ways.
In the more mundane, day to day aspects, it does appear more and more, to be a very lucrative occupation. Matthew does what I thought would be very difficult to maintain without any further advertisements: maintain a regular practice. Through the power of word of mouth and a few regulars Matthew maintains approximately 20 to 25 sessions a week. At around $200 dollars a pop, that translates out to something between $4000 and $5000 a week. That's like $200,000 a year on the low end! Even if you consider charging the accept median of approx. $100 a session, the earnings are still substantial.
I would only have to do 3.5 hours of sessions a week to match what I make at the hospital working 36 hours a week. And consider that this is only taking into account a standard practice, I could easily make a living doing any number of jobs available to a clinical Hypnotherapist. Holding a practice, working with a doctors office or physicians service (like Watson Clinic or Clark and Daughtrey), working at a hospital specializing in Hypnoanalgesia (a position required by JCAHO), to just doing Theresa's awesome suggestion of working Pagan and New age festivals! There are really so many options out there for me, and more keep opening up every day. But I think that more important than the money (as important as it is), hypnotherapy is offering a a much greater gift.
Hypnotism is not just some cutesy parlor trick, "Make you quack like a duck", it is pure magick. It takes the (or at least my) understanding behind magick, the power of the mind to effect positive change in the world, and makes it REAL. Not only can you help people quit harmful addictions like smoking or shed a few extra pounds, you can change their lives, even SAVE their lives. Using the right technique and method, you can heal someones past hurts, create in them a fertile ground for positive self growth, you can even heal their physical ills. From as simple as taking away someones pain (something Matthew can do in under 10 minutes) to as complex as bringing someone back from death's door and completely healing them of cancer (a feat Matthew has also accomplished).
This isn't just about handing out some cool fun past life regressions to me anymore, this is about me fulfilling a need to create a positive effect in other people's lives that I had only had a slight inkling that I had. To know that I have the power to change people's lives, including my own. The following answer has become a bit of a joke in class already but this saying really sums up my life right now:
Can you complete this training?
Can you become a person you can be proud of?
Can you help other people to create positive change?
"YES I CAN."
~Aika
I walked away from class this weekend (the first) with a lot of cool new information like the quote in the title, but the best thing I think I walked away with was a reinforced feeling that I'm doing the right thing.
I walked in with a head start on a lot of the information (from previous experiences with other hypnotherapists and what-not) but I also got a lot of new stuff, including a lot of first hand operating knowledge from Matthew (the school owner and instructor). And some of the things he's done, and does, are amazing.He's reinforcing the feeling that this is the right path for me, in so many ways.
In the more mundane, day to day aspects, it does appear more and more, to be a very lucrative occupation. Matthew does what I thought would be very difficult to maintain without any further advertisements: maintain a regular practice. Through the power of word of mouth and a few regulars Matthew maintains approximately 20 to 25 sessions a week. At around $200 dollars a pop, that translates out to something between $4000 and $5000 a week. That's like $200,000 a year on the low end! Even if you consider charging the accept median of approx. $100 a session, the earnings are still substantial.
I would only have to do 3.5 hours of sessions a week to match what I make at the hospital working 36 hours a week. And consider that this is only taking into account a standard practice, I could easily make a living doing any number of jobs available to a clinical Hypnotherapist. Holding a practice, working with a doctors office or physicians service (like Watson Clinic or Clark and Daughtrey), working at a hospital specializing in Hypnoanalgesia (a position required by JCAHO), to just doing Theresa's awesome suggestion of working Pagan and New age festivals! There are really so many options out there for me, and more keep opening up every day. But I think that more important than the money (as important as it is), hypnotherapy is offering a a much greater gift.
Hypnotism is not just some cutesy parlor trick, "Make you quack like a duck", it is pure magick. It takes the (or at least my) understanding behind magick, the power of the mind to effect positive change in the world, and makes it REAL. Not only can you help people quit harmful addictions like smoking or shed a few extra pounds, you can change their lives, even SAVE their lives. Using the right technique and method, you can heal someones past hurts, create in them a fertile ground for positive self growth, you can even heal their physical ills. From as simple as taking away someones pain (something Matthew can do in under 10 minutes) to as complex as bringing someone back from death's door and completely healing them of cancer (a feat Matthew has also accomplished).
This isn't just about handing out some cool fun past life regressions to me anymore, this is about me fulfilling a need to create a positive effect in other people's lives that I had only had a slight inkling that I had. To know that I have the power to change people's lives, including my own. The following answer has become a bit of a joke in class already but this saying really sums up my life right now:
Can you complete this training?
Can you become a person you can be proud of?
Can you help other people to create positive change?
"YES I CAN."
~Aika
Friday, March 5, 2010
Long Day...
Very Long.
Went to bed between 5a-6a last night after seeing the IMAX 3D opening of Alice in Wonderland with Daniel, Tom, Alysia and her girls.
By the way, very enjoyable film though I feel it had some serious plot flow and characterization flaws.
Anyway, I only got to sleep about 5 hours last night before getting up, having two grilled cheese sandwiches for Brunch then heading out.
The drive up to Gainesville was relatively uneventful, but lemmie say, after 5 years without cruise control, including 2 years driving back and forth between Lakeland and St. Augustine every other week, having it is SPECTACULAR. It made two and a half hours of interstate driving, almost fun. LOL, it doesn't take much to entertain me sometimes.
Got my room and was very pleased with the set up, since I had read many mixed reviews. However I was charged $20 more at the desk than what was stated in my reservation (Which when I asked about it later was given a very convoluted answer which I chalked up to taxes and fees, which the confirmation does say aren't included) and I was unable to access the internet before I had to leave to eat and go to my first day of class.
And let me tell you, the traffic... insane. It took me 20 minutes to leave the little hotel corral and make it to a main road, and we're talking like, MAYBE two blocks. Ridiculous.
However once I got to a main road I discovered several awesome restaurants very close by and ate my dinner at a place called Pazza Bistro, where I had a DELICIOUS bowl of Spaghetti with Pesto Genovese sauce and topped with artichokes and broccoli. PLUS a scrumptious Parmesan dressing salad. I ate half and wrapped up the rest to eat after class, and I'm certainly glad I gave myself extra time to get there, cause the streets of Gainesville are twisted, conniving and BUSY. Got turned around a couple of times but made it just in time thanks to TomTom.
Class was fun, we're a class of 18 and I'm pretty certain I'm the youngest student, LOL. The next youngest I believe is 25 but the majority are easily over the age of 35. We even have a bonafide Professional Santa! (He really looks like it too, lol.) I introduced myself as a Unitarian Universalist Pagan (represent!) and even worked up the nerve to ask to be called Aika instead of Jessica.
The class was mostly meet and greet and introduction material, and probably would have been more enjoyable if I hadn't had a low grade headache for most of the 3 hour class. Tomorrow we're gonna start with a meditation/group hypnosis and he made clear that we were going to be doing a lot of hypnosis from both ends and reinforced a strict confidentiality agreement, which when you consider that basically you're sitting in on 17 other peoples personal therapy and get to see their darkest demons up close and personal, it makes a lot of sense. So I don't figure there's a whole lot I can talk about but I can still recount my day, lol.
After class I made my way back to my hotel (is the city ever NOT traffic jammed?) and stopped by Publix on the way to pick up some lunch fixens for the next two days. Of course once I got back things got ugly before they got better. I realized once I got in that I had placed my Dinner leftovers in my grocery bad UPSIDE DOWN and covered everything inside in olive oil, including ruining the bag I had intended to use as a lunch box the next day. After cleaning up as best I could I nuked my pasta and made my way over to my chair. But then the edge of the Styrofoam container snapped and my food fell out of my hand and all over the floor.
Sonoffa' bitch.
I just could not win, and it didn't stop there. My internet was still not working and I had to call the Hotel's IT service to see if they could connect me. And after nearly an hour on with them, 20 minutes of it spent on hold, did I FINALLY get connected. I was probably charged for the internet twice, but I'll straighten that out later. I ate a 4th meal of powdered donuts and Pepsi (meal of champions, I know) and wrote this blog. Sigh.
Can I go to sleep now?
Aika
OMG Johnny Wier!
Dear GOD, Look at him!
I do believe this is the hottest gay man on the face of the Earth.
Is it weird for me to think a gay man has a cute butt?
Cause he does, ogle it yourself and see.
I had been first intrigued by the above photo (gotta love a man in heels) but then I saw THIS:
OMG HOTNESS, the dancing, the demeanor, his cute pert butt.
Johnny Wier AND Lady Gaga, TOGETHER!?!?! I MUST be in heaven.
Mmmmm, I can definitely appreciate the aesthetics of his form, lol.
I'll just top off this pointless post with the tv spot for his sundance channel reality show, "Be Good Johnny Wier"
Epic Awesome.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Far too much excitement...
...seriously, I don't need any more.
I should have done this post like six days ago, since most of the drama has resolved itself by now, but I'll entertain you all with its tale as best I can besides.
Friday, February 26, 2010 - I received a call from one of my supervisors claiming to have spoken to me about my schedule. I told her I had never spoken to her concerning my schedule and she corrected, "I mean, you spoke to Eula right?" I agreed that I had spoken to Eula but no one else, (I wanted to make sure I didn't set myself up for a 'well YOU said...' later). She then proceeded to tell me that she had spoken to my Manager and that they could not adjust my schedule to have me off every Friday for school. I was still on the schedule for 2 Fridays a month. I needed to either convince one of the other weeknight girls to swap with me, find some other coverage or take ETO for them.
Now... this is 7 days before I start going to school. SEVEN. I told them before the end of January that I would need this schedule change, and they notify me SEVEN days before I start that I was still on the hook for two Fridays a month. I tell her that there's no way I can afford to take 24 hours of ETO a month for the next six months, and she quickly offers, "Well you could downgrade to part-time status with only two nights a week, though there's no guarantee you'd be able to come back to full time in September."
Dear GOD was that a loaded suggestion. It doesn't take much to look at our schedule and know we're overstaffed during the week but hell would freeze over before I take the fall for their mess. So I told her that was absolutely out of the question. In an attempt to diffuse this situation I told her about the one weekend a month I would have off from school and got signed up to work those Fridays, rearranging the other girl that was covering Fridays to make me only responsible for one Friday a month, including the 26th of March. She suggested I call this weekender girl who had expressed interest in picking up shifts, and while she wouldn't incur overtime, I would lose a whole day out of my paycheck.
I spent the rest of that night trying to figure out what I was gonna do and being in a medium level of agitation.
Saturday, February 27th, 2010 - After work I went home and napped for a little under two hours I headed out to UUCL for the Annual Board Retreat, and found that I was an hour late due to a mistype in the email I had concerning the retreat, my email said 10:30a but I guess everyone else had acquired the correct info elsewhere. Oops. No matter, I spent the whole day there, working on congregational business and planning, then eating at the wonderful potluck that came together (very lucky indeed, sometimes its really hit or miss when it comes to potluck). Tracie and I then stayed after the festivities to chat and obsess over the hall's organization and appearance, altogether very fun and good stimulation for my nit-picky side. ^^ I finally went home around 9pm and went to bed shortly thereafter, completely forgetting to call the weekender girl and ask if she wanted my March 26th shift.
Sunday, February 28th, 2010 - Went to service at 10a at UUCL and it was pretty good, last bit was very much on 'walking the talk' of being a UU (check it out Here). Had a pleasant lunch with Dan, Tracie, Glenn and Bowen(occasionally, lol) before watching Peter S. Beagle's "The Last Unicorn," my last CUUPS film for a while, though not the last film CUUPS will see since Tracie will be running some films occasionally for the next six months. After the film Glenn, Tracie, Bowen, Daniel and I went to the Circle B Bar Reserve park out by the PSC campus and had a very enjoyable walk through the beauty of Florida's nature.
I was particularly happy to be introduced to this place because I'd been wanting to find a nice bit of nature to start reconnecting to and this place is awesome. Check it out. After a nice hour or so walk Tracie, Glenn and Bowen headed home and Daniel and I headed over to Lakeside plaza for our regularly scheduled BD's Mongolian Grill dinner, LOL.
I should probably mention that he had been trying to talk me into going to see "The Crazies" with him, Alysia and Tom all day, to little effect. I didn't really have anything better to do, but I refused to go see a film that would most likely give me horrible dreams for the rest of the week, if it didn't send me into a full fledged Panic attack right there in the theater. I am an EXTREMELY empathetic person, I feel what other people feel, including abject terror, so you can see the problem with me going to see a horror flick.
Not wanting to leave, but not willing to go see the film, I came upon a much more enjoyable alternative: They went to go see the Crazies, and I went and saw Avatar again. LOL YES! MANDATORY AIKA AVATAR SEGWAY!!! 8P
So, after my Avatar fix (I think this brings my avatar viewing count up to 4 or 5) I drove to my local Super Wal-Mart (hey, it was late and I had fangirly urges to attend to) with every intention of buying yarn, a knitting loom, and as many native style beads as I could conceivably afford. However once beholding their pitiful selection of yarn (not a single roll that wasn't a giant ball of acrylic) and suddenly realizing if I didn't come with specific bead designs there was no way I was gonna buy any beads, plus if I was designing them at home I might as well order exactly what I wanted online. So, I went home empty handed. Happy for my wallet, sad for Aika's inner fangirl.
Of course on the way home I remember that I need to call the weekender girl to see if she wanted my shift, which just put me back on the angry war path. Saturday at the congregational retreat I had told my woes to anyone that would listen, which had placated my agitation, but now I was just plain angry with being saddled with their responsibility.
So needless to say I was in a foul mood when I got home and greeted my mother. My mood was not improved to say the least when I called and asked the girl if she was interested and was told that she "only did Admissions" and didn't know how to do HUC duties. For those not firmiliar with the differences, they are few and pitiful. I could do her job as easily as mine because I'm CROSSTRAINED, a trait this girl doesn't look interested in gaining in the new future. Damn. I was gonna have to get up in the morning, head into work and talk to my team leader about these happenings, and then come in to work that night. My mother had been quiet since I arrived home, warily eyeing my pissy aura. After my failed attempt to get coverage I unleashed some of my malcontent on her in the form of an angry tearful diatribe against my employer and managers. When she didn't placate my foul mood or reply in any way my mood only got worse, but I got quite instead of continuing the rant.
I sat down next to my mother in the living room and after a moment of silence my mother spoke, "I spoke to Bonnie today."
Now this isn't an unusual occurance, my mother talks to her oldest sister pretty regularly, but the way she said it bred forboding givin the form and feeling in the air.
"Joe's been airlifted back to Georgetown and placed in the ICU, they think he's gone into sepsis."
Apparently my uncle had been discharged from the hospital after his hernia repair (which I knew about) but after a very bad night with shortness of breath at home my aunt called paramedics at his request. He was taken to their local hospital before the ER there shipped him by helicopter to the large hospital in Georgetown, three hours away, since his condition warranted it and that was were he was hospitalized last and where all his doctors were. There was a very good chance he wouldn't make it through the night and mother asked if I could pull up the bereavement policy at work in the morning and see how much time she could take off, as a precaution.
Now I've never been very close with either my aunt or her husband, but the threat of his demise was certainly enough to put a damper on my self righteous anger. I spent most of the rest of the night crying and being a mix of worried, angry and nervous before finally going to bed.
Monday, February 29th, 2010 - Finally, some good news. I got up around 930a and went to speak to Eula about the scheduling problem, who was just as surprised and flabbergasted as I was, so there was a healthy dose of justification. Eula apologized profusely for the confusion, that this was the first she had heard of the scheduling problem and she'd do everything she could to help fix it since I was one of her most flexible reliable workers. (Yes, lovely ego stroke, it's not conceited if it's true ^_~) I thanked her, made plans to speak again on Tuesday and went home to grab a few more hours of sleep. I spoke to Eula again at shift change that night where she said she made a few calls but her best prospect was Lisa who worked the PediED on the weekend, but since it was a Monday she had worked the previous night and Eula hadn't wanted to risk waking her. I told Eula I was gonna talk to Kerry (the supervisor that had called me on Friday) and see if I could get a list of the dates I needed to have covered. Work that night was relatively uneventful and I finally went and talked to Kerry at around 0930. After talking with her the problem became very apparent. I was hired on into a full time 72 hour position and Kerry was unable to find another weekday shift to give me that didn't push the already overstaffed schedule into critical mass. But she couldn't NOT give me a third shift, but I could ask for those shifts off and either take some ETO or work upstairs. Her problem wasn't in staffing those Fridays, it was in staffing ME. Well that changes things. She told me to just pick one Friday a month and she would shuffle everything else around it, she even said I could put in an ETO request for March 26th, even though the deadline for it to be in had passed. I went back to my desk and put together mock schedules for the next six months and picked my Fridays to ask off, arraigning it so that the days I picked only appeared once a month and once a schedule. I made out my request slips and attached my mock schedules to them and popped them in the box. That problem was solved.
Eula then told me Tuesday evening that she had spoken to Lisa and for all intensive purposes she was game to pick up March the 26th. Sweet, disaster averted.
But no more... please no more.
I have enough to deal with, lol.
Like Alice in Wonderland!!! Yay IMAX 3D Midnight showing!!!
Aika
I should have done this post like six days ago, since most of the drama has resolved itself by now, but I'll entertain you all with its tale as best I can besides.
Friday, February 26, 2010 - I received a call from one of my supervisors claiming to have spoken to me about my schedule. I told her I had never spoken to her concerning my schedule and she corrected, "I mean, you spoke to Eula right?" I agreed that I had spoken to Eula but no one else, (I wanted to make sure I didn't set myself up for a 'well YOU said...' later). She then proceeded to tell me that she had spoken to my Manager and that they could not adjust my schedule to have me off every Friday for school. I was still on the schedule for 2 Fridays a month. I needed to either convince one of the other weeknight girls to swap with me, find some other coverage or take ETO for them.
Now... this is 7 days before I start going to school. SEVEN. I told them before the end of January that I would need this schedule change, and they notify me SEVEN days before I start that I was still on the hook for two Fridays a month. I tell her that there's no way I can afford to take 24 hours of ETO a month for the next six months, and she quickly offers, "Well you could downgrade to part-time status with only two nights a week, though there's no guarantee you'd be able to come back to full time in September."
Dear GOD was that a loaded suggestion. It doesn't take much to look at our schedule and know we're overstaffed during the week but hell would freeze over before I take the fall for their mess. So I told her that was absolutely out of the question. In an attempt to diffuse this situation I told her about the one weekend a month I would have off from school and got signed up to work those Fridays, rearranging the other girl that was covering Fridays to make me only responsible for one Friday a month, including the 26th of March. She suggested I call this weekender girl who had expressed interest in picking up shifts, and while she wouldn't incur overtime, I would lose a whole day out of my paycheck.
I spent the rest of that night trying to figure out what I was gonna do and being in a medium level of agitation.
Saturday, February 27th, 2010 - After work I went home and napped for a little under two hours I headed out to UUCL for the Annual Board Retreat, and found that I was an hour late due to a mistype in the email I had concerning the retreat, my email said 10:30a but I guess everyone else had acquired the correct info elsewhere. Oops. No matter, I spent the whole day there, working on congregational business and planning, then eating at the wonderful potluck that came together (very lucky indeed, sometimes its really hit or miss when it comes to potluck). Tracie and I then stayed after the festivities to chat and obsess over the hall's organization and appearance, altogether very fun and good stimulation for my nit-picky side. ^^ I finally went home around 9pm and went to bed shortly thereafter, completely forgetting to call the weekender girl and ask if she wanted my March 26th shift.
Sunday, February 28th, 2010 - Went to service at 10a at UUCL and it was pretty good, last bit was very much on 'walking the talk' of being a UU (check it out Here). Had a pleasant lunch with Dan, Tracie, Glenn and Bowen(occasionally, lol) before watching Peter S. Beagle's "The Last Unicorn," my last CUUPS film for a while, though not the last film CUUPS will see since Tracie will be running some films occasionally for the next six months. After the film Glenn, Tracie, Bowen, Daniel and I went to the Circle B Bar Reserve park out by the PSC campus and had a very enjoyable walk through the beauty of Florida's nature.
I was particularly happy to be introduced to this place because I'd been wanting to find a nice bit of nature to start reconnecting to and this place is awesome. Check it out. After a nice hour or so walk Tracie, Glenn and Bowen headed home and Daniel and I headed over to Lakeside plaza for our regularly scheduled BD's Mongolian Grill dinner, LOL.
I should probably mention that he had been trying to talk me into going to see "The Crazies" with him, Alysia and Tom all day, to little effect. I didn't really have anything better to do, but I refused to go see a film that would most likely give me horrible dreams for the rest of the week, if it didn't send me into a full fledged Panic attack right there in the theater. I am an EXTREMELY empathetic person, I feel what other people feel, including abject terror, so you can see the problem with me going to see a horror flick.
Not wanting to leave, but not willing to go see the film, I came upon a much more enjoyable alternative: They went to go see the Crazies, and I went and saw Avatar again. LOL YES! MANDATORY AIKA AVATAR SEGWAY!!! 8P
So, after my Avatar fix (I think this brings my avatar viewing count up to 4 or 5) I drove to my local Super Wal-Mart (hey, it was late and I had fangirly urges to attend to) with every intention of buying yarn, a knitting loom, and as many native style beads as I could conceivably afford. However once beholding their pitiful selection of yarn (not a single roll that wasn't a giant ball of acrylic) and suddenly realizing if I didn't come with specific bead designs there was no way I was gonna buy any beads, plus if I was designing them at home I might as well order exactly what I wanted online. So, I went home empty handed. Happy for my wallet, sad for Aika's inner fangirl.
Of course on the way home I remember that I need to call the weekender girl to see if she wanted my shift, which just put me back on the angry war path. Saturday at the congregational retreat I had told my woes to anyone that would listen, which had placated my agitation, but now I was just plain angry with being saddled with their responsibility.
So needless to say I was in a foul mood when I got home and greeted my mother. My mood was not improved to say the least when I called and asked the girl if she was interested and was told that she "only did Admissions" and didn't know how to do HUC duties. For those not firmiliar with the differences, they are few and pitiful. I could do her job as easily as mine because I'm CROSSTRAINED, a trait this girl doesn't look interested in gaining in the new future. Damn. I was gonna have to get up in the morning, head into work and talk to my team leader about these happenings, and then come in to work that night. My mother had been quiet since I arrived home, warily eyeing my pissy aura. After my failed attempt to get coverage I unleashed some of my malcontent on her in the form of an angry tearful diatribe against my employer and managers. When she didn't placate my foul mood or reply in any way my mood only got worse, but I got quite instead of continuing the rant.
I sat down next to my mother in the living room and after a moment of silence my mother spoke, "I spoke to Bonnie today."
Now this isn't an unusual occurance, my mother talks to her oldest sister pretty regularly, but the way she said it bred forboding givin the form and feeling in the air.
"Joe's been airlifted back to Georgetown and placed in the ICU, they think he's gone into sepsis."
Apparently my uncle had been discharged from the hospital after his hernia repair (which I knew about) but after a very bad night with shortness of breath at home my aunt called paramedics at his request. He was taken to their local hospital before the ER there shipped him by helicopter to the large hospital in Georgetown, three hours away, since his condition warranted it and that was were he was hospitalized last and where all his doctors were. There was a very good chance he wouldn't make it through the night and mother asked if I could pull up the bereavement policy at work in the morning and see how much time she could take off, as a precaution.
Now I've never been very close with either my aunt or her husband, but the threat of his demise was certainly enough to put a damper on my self righteous anger. I spent most of the rest of the night crying and being a mix of worried, angry and nervous before finally going to bed.
Monday, February 29th, 2010 - Finally, some good news. I got up around 930a and went to speak to Eula about the scheduling problem, who was just as surprised and flabbergasted as I was, so there was a healthy dose of justification. Eula apologized profusely for the confusion, that this was the first she had heard of the scheduling problem and she'd do everything she could to help fix it since I was one of her most flexible reliable workers. (Yes, lovely ego stroke, it's not conceited if it's true ^_~) I thanked her, made plans to speak again on Tuesday and went home to grab a few more hours of sleep. I spoke to Eula again at shift change that night where she said she made a few calls but her best prospect was Lisa who worked the PediED on the weekend, but since it was a Monday she had worked the previous night and Eula hadn't wanted to risk waking her. I told Eula I was gonna talk to Kerry (the supervisor that had called me on Friday) and see if I could get a list of the dates I needed to have covered. Work that night was relatively uneventful and I finally went and talked to Kerry at around 0930. After talking with her the problem became very apparent. I was hired on into a full time 72 hour position and Kerry was unable to find another weekday shift to give me that didn't push the already overstaffed schedule into critical mass. But she couldn't NOT give me a third shift, but I could ask for those shifts off and either take some ETO or work upstairs. Her problem wasn't in staffing those Fridays, it was in staffing ME. Well that changes things. She told me to just pick one Friday a month and she would shuffle everything else around it, she even said I could put in an ETO request for March 26th, even though the deadline for it to be in had passed. I went back to my desk and put together mock schedules for the next six months and picked my Fridays to ask off, arraigning it so that the days I picked only appeared once a month and once a schedule. I made out my request slips and attached my mock schedules to them and popped them in the box. That problem was solved.
Eula then told me Tuesday evening that she had spoken to Lisa and for all intensive purposes she was game to pick up March the 26th. Sweet, disaster averted.
But no more... please no more.
I have enough to deal with, lol.
Like Alice in Wonderland!!! Yay IMAX 3D Midnight showing!!!
Aika
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